basedheisenberg:

Being drunk does not excuse cheating.

Being drunk does not excuse rape.

Being drunk does not excuse being an asshole.

Being drunk does not excuse shitty and destructive behavior.

Being drunk is not an excuse.

Control yourself or don’t drink.

dicklover3000:

perks of being short

  • can be picked up
  • perfect spooning
  • good at hiding
  • can ride mini ponies
  • low ceilings/doorways not a problem

cons of being short

  • pants are too long
  • not an arm rest
  • cannot reach
  • cannot reach
  • cannot reach

zombikki:

veganasfuck:

how many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw. 

this is the best joke ever

talks:

someone just grabbed my head and smashed it into a wall :)))

wtf are you okay?

fartgallery:

Your honour. Members of the jury. Police security man guy. The Defendant. Me. The lady sitting in the fifth row with the weird hat. no I am not stalling for time

powerist:

thinking skills more like thinking kills